There on my brightest days
Nowhere to be found in the darkest nights
Taking credit for victories
And passing the blame for failures
Everything I ever wanted
Yet nothing I ever needed
I learned to live
And never forgive
Blood was thick
Yet reality was quick
Genetics does not a family make
And the lie was easy to forsake
You’ll never hear those prayers
Or see the plights
Or know how haunted
The mind has become with warnings not heeded
I’ve been having a hard week. I feel like every part of who I am is under attack, and I can’t figure out how to get out from underneath. I feel heavy. I feel like my opportunities are limited. I feel like my communities are at odds with one another at times, afraid to align…
I live in the world yet exist apart
I live in the reality of the fake
I see the truth of its horror
I see behind the fairy tales of what it wants to be
I see it as it is and was
If I had still had a heart
It would not break
For I am no mourner
And in this world nothing is free
Not the love, not the hate nor sound of the applause
Everything at a price
The price is cheap
Only your soul
Your dreams
And all you consider yourself
Here your damned thrice
And no one will weep
As time takes its toll
As others hear the screams
And worry not for you health
Here in the really real world
The monsters don’t hide
They roam everywhere
Not under your bed
Nor in your closet
They stand to your left and right
Behind and in front
Your terror will go unheard
No place will be safe no inside
Or out there
The ghosts and demons aren’t in your head
And your misery will be their profit
As they hold you tight
Until the daily hunt
When you run and run
Till the setting of the sun
To getaway from the reality
And know its only futility
As they never left you alone
As the truth is shown
The common brutality
Of a civilized society
It not lost upon me
It’s there for all to see
There for all to know
Yet all they do is enjoy the show
Feeding off the drama
Forgetting karma
Living in the agony
Glorifying the infamy
One or a thousand fall
The number matters little at all
Just another day
Just another story
Blazing across in its 1080 glory
A true testament to the God we pray
The god of violence
Who bestows the everlasting silence
The peace of the grave
To the old and the young
The weak and the the strong
Be they a coward or brave
The GOD of death
Whom we meet with our last breath
Life is nothing more than a drama
Found by siblings from a different mama
They want to connect
I deflect
They seek a little brother
I seek not to be another
My thoughts on the father that never was
Only more validated by the news
A lifetime of ill will
A hate that grows still
Will not allow myself
To seek them out
For my memories of the sperm donor
Will only shatter their truth
With the proof
That the father they knew
Was nothing more than
The kind of scum
One scrapes off your shoe
The heart that hates is not born but bred
Though within us all there exists a part
That can be fed
By disgust and ignorance
Until all we ever knew
Is the hatred that we spew
Madness is the melody on the edge of hearing and with lyrics you cannot quite recall.
(In other words I’m trying to remember a song I heard in the car)
