So how about I actually write a blog? For a little over six months or so I haven’t really been using facebook. Sure I had one , I kept my old one and reactivated my very first profile mainly to make an author page and occasionally check out a group page or two. Today I went fully back on to Facebook. In the process of rebuilding the acquaintance list…yes I said acquaintance list. For me that’s basically what it is. Sure some are close to friend level but most are not. I tend to keep everyone at arm’s length. Just how I am.
Speaking of acquaintances I passed one the other day on the corner of the street. She was panhandling. I wasn’t in a spot where I could stop and be like wtf is going on with you. So I turned and pulled up in the nearest parking lot and walked back to where she was. I have basically known this girl since 2010ish off and on. I won’t call her a friend but yeah I know her. She’s had her share of problems from health issues being diagnosed with lupus as a child. To substance abuse problems as a teen and now adult. The last time I saw her was about a year ago when I was doing my security gig.
She was semi homeless then and jobless. I say semi because she had left her boyfriend for the countless time hence the homeless part. Jobless because she couldn’t make it to work or rather function at work. A stripper no less. Mind you she is not what you think of when you think stripper. Guess my city has some very low standards.
Anyways back to current affairs, she was still jobless a year later. Now on probation for probably shoplifting again plus using her sisters name as hers when they arrested her. Living in a tent and panhandling, she might be all of 27 years old. Yet this is the path her life has taken. You can tell the drugs have begun to affect her.From her memory to her appearance. I would of felt empathy for her but I really didn’t. I know some of the fucked up shit she has done to friends etc. So can’t feel to bad for her. Just sorta sad this the way she is going. She could have been more. She can be a sweet girl but those damn substance problems always cause her problems.
As y’all know I posted about publishing a second book. So that’s a highlight of the month. I have updated the profiles on a few of my social media from instagram,twitter,facebook (author page and personal) and fetlife. Wordpess is next at some point.
Who knows maybe I will blog more often.
“The admiration of the many will never equal the love of a few.”
So despite my general hate for large bodies of people and driving the roads that lead to Ag Center where the local Comic Con was held. I went. Got there super fucking early cuz that’s what I do. It’s small con , Asheville Comic Con. Taking the place of Geekout con which ran for 4 or 5 years til failing dismally about 2 years ago with a venue change and lack of support from the people who were setting up the event.
I missed last years Asheville Comic Con due to my car being dead. RIP Camaro. This con was small , of course it needs better advertising and a better venue. But it’s still growing. Plenty of vendors (oddly most had lego mini figures and of course funko pops), saw a few great costumes though not as many as one would expect.
Another day and another distraction from life completed.
Picked up a Darth Vader cellphone holder and couple key chain charms. Game of Thrones and Firefly, the pics don’t do them justice.
Today I was utterly bored,so utterly bored. Between the heat of the day and my AC being next to useless it seems. It was one of those draining days where I couldn’t figure out what to do to alleviate my boredom. An hour long drive or so around town then looped back toward the western part of the state. Driving to a location I don’t know because what else have I got to do today. Least the roads were empty and that made the trip enjoyable.
These days I’m equal parts restless and dread going out. I hate that feeling. Some of it is probably because of switching back to day shift after what seems like forever. Now I have time to do things during the day. I can go out while the sun is shining but I’m like ugh people. And people suck from just idiot drivers to being obnoxiously loud in my opinion.
I’ve got to get a hobby. Something to occupy my brain. Writing isn’t doing it right now. It almost seems like a chore. And I feel like most of what I write I’ve said before. So now I’m only saying it in new ways or trying to figure out new ways.
To say I’m tired is only to belabor the point
People don’t admire my restraint enough
They think my mood swings sudden
When in truth they have been slowly building
My gentle nudges
Always end up at a fuck you I’m out
Some dogs will not learn new tricks
And I’m to stubborn to give in to what I see as wrong just to get along
I’ll burn my world to the ground
To prove my point
Because worlds come and go
What’s one more lost when another awaits
Stars burn out
The light gives way to darkness
And all my goodness turns to madness
People they come and they go
Some stay for a moment
Some for their lifetime
Yet none for mine
I find my laughter where I can
I find it in the innocence
That I slaughter with each memory
I burn away with the chemicals
Scrubbing my mind , my soul clean
With the absolution of acidic solutions
Concocted by the need
To feed the beast its meager feast
I could live for tomorrow
Or die for yesterday
And only know today the sorrow
Come what will, come what may