Cells

Metaphysically Speaking

I do not exist

Nothing more than a failed clone

Of a second hand copy

Who’s authors plagiarist

Notes were written hasty and sloppy

For they lack the spark of life

As well as the its meaning

The most important of information

That surely would be my salvation

Instead I find my days dreaming

And my nights waking

To the thoughts of what is missing

From the inherit code of my genes

To create such a monster as I

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The Mourner’s Song

Hello… Hello

Is anybody out there

Can anyone hear me?

Just nod along to the melody

Of the song I’ll sing

 

Listen to the words

And know the truth heard

In the lies I’ll preach

In my attempt to reach you

 

Let me bring you down

To where there is no sound

Float within the light

The Dead lights within my eyes

That shine so bright

 

In the dim world of reality

The soul of frailty

Breaks the fragile shell

Of a new born hell

 

I have gone to far

And been burnt among the stars

Now I exist in the only fashion left

A ghost in the machine

Family Ties

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So it’s been about five days now since I found out I have another Half sibling. Like I needed another. So in short order here is the story so far. Dead beat sperm Donor parent already had two kids with his wife , then apparently had another with some lady. Three years before he met my psycho incubator of a parent. The unknown sibling grew up in the same town/school as his other two half siblings and never knew. Since his mother never told him till like 6 years after his non biological father died . That his father was a person he never knew.

 

He’s reconnected with them and that side of his biological family. And blam guess got told oh hey btw you have another half brother we never met either. That being me. And now after I guess a couple years of trying to locate me or the right person named me. He bumped into my incubator and blam. I get a Facebook message saying hey I’m your brother. Umm no, Then he explains umm okay.

 

Sadly for him this is a big deal. Which makes me feel a bit bad for him. Because to me it’s just another reason to harbor my hate of the sperm donor. I don’t really want a connection to that side of the family. To me it’s never existed and never will. Let me set the stage for this. On his Facebook was a public post with a picture of the sperm donor. It explained how he found out etc. To this post was replies from some his friends (and in turn were actually unknown relatives of his)who had known the sperm donor . They talked about what a good man he was etc. I call bullshit because a good man, fuck a good human being doesn’t go and have two kids with two other women while married and have nothing to do with one who lives maybe a few miles away and doesn’t flip flop over whether or not the other kid(that being me) is his when then incubator sues for child support. Now the sperm donor has been dead over two decades.

 

I saw him 3 times that I can recall, once on my 5th birthday. Again when I was like 10 at the blood test to prove yup motherfucker I’m your son , you piece of shit douche bag. And maybe when I was around 11 or 12 in the court room. When the sperm donor and incubator were trying to decide on child support and custody. All I really remember of that day was not once did he say my name. I was referred to as the boy. Even when he talked to the incubator and me in private. I recall perfectly what I said to the judge when he asked if I wanted to visit my sperm donor on weekends and the like. HELL NO, why would I? He’s known about for 12 years and then tried to deny I exist. Btw the blood test even back in the late 80’s came back saying 99.6 % chance he was my sperm donor.

 

In the end I never visited nor saw him again before his death maybe a year later. I never sought out his other two children nor any of his family. I already had one set of half siblings from the incubator since she had five kids from her first marriage , eight years before I was born. I’m not the biggest fan of them as some you know and most of you can tell from this. So now here’s an unknown sibling popping up wanting to have a Little brother. Yes he has referred to me as that a few times. Motherfucker you’re only 3 years older okay almost 4. And even my half siblings I grew up don’t refer to me as little brother.

 

Now besides my now natural disdain for genetic family connections. We get to the part where yes We differ on a lot of things. From viewing his Facebook, he’s overly proud of that confederate southern heritage and want’s to make America great again. Need I say more. The only thing I’ll do is bash his politics and stomp on that heritage bullshit. I’m from one county over and I don’t buy into that bullshit. Plus I have nothing good to say about the sperm donor. So I seriously doubt that side of the genetic family want’s their illusion destroyed when I drop cold hard reality about what type of man he was. And nothing will change my opinion not a single scrap of information can alter the fact. He knew he had two other kids and made no effort to be in their lives.

Shore of Dreams

I sit here upon the shore of dreams

Awaiting the tides of nightmares

I see in the reflections, history repeating

As if the world around keeps forgetting

What came before and never goes away

The petty hates and little lies

The fallen tears that everyone cries

As the world slips backwards

Into the dark age

Instead of forwards

Into the golden age

 

All that’s left in this heart of mine is rage

Rage and wrath for all that is wrong

For that can’t hear the song

And yet I keep in its cage

For I have grown use to the mindless bickering

And await the only for sun’s flickering

 

Apathy and sarcasm

The weapons of choice

In a time of the silence

And when truth has no voice

And is lost to the mindless orgasm

Of the meek

And only the celebrants are the weak

For they are winning

As the strong sit idle and consume themselves

With the petty

Confused and bedazzled by the pretty

 

So here I rest upon this shore

Now and forever more

A crow hoping for a murder

To take things further

And end this dreaming

With nothing but the universe screaming

Decay

Of things that do not last

My knowledge and experience is vast

Eventually all seem to fade away

Like radioactive decay

For everything will change

People, Places and Things

All become something new

And all that remains is the memory of what you knew

 

It may seem strange

Yet this is life, this is reality

Not the fairy tale of make believe

Where Neverland exists

Or Wonderland can be found

And Oz is just over the rainbow

 

Everything well change

Of that there is certainty

So simply prepare yourself as all things leave

Some go loud , some quiet and cease to exist

As if they were never there without a sound

You’ll hardly notice the absence , you know