Mirror knows

You wear a thousand faces to hide the one you forgotten

The one you left forsaken

You craft a new mask every day

Because you don’t know what to say

How to be

When in the mirror you see only me

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The Mourner’s Song

Hello… Hello

Is anybody out there

Can anyone hear me?

Just nod along to the melody

Of the song I’ll sing

 

Listen to the words

And know the truth heard

In the lies I’ll preach

In my attempt to reach you

 

Let me bring you down

To where there is no sound

Float within the light

The Dead lights within my eyes

That shine so bright

 

In the dim world of reality

The soul of frailty

Breaks the fragile shell

Of a new born hell

 

I have gone to far

And been burnt among the stars

Now I exist in the only fashion left

A ghost in the machine

Family Ties

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So it’s been about five days now since I found out I have another Half sibling. Like I needed another. So in short order here is the story so far. Dead beat sperm Donor parent already had two kids with his wife , then apparently had another with some lady. Three years before he met my psycho incubator of a parent. The unknown sibling grew up in the same town/school as his other two half siblings and never knew. Since his mother never told him till like 6 years after his non biological father died . That his father was a person he never knew.

 

He’s reconnected with them and that side of his biological family. And blam guess got told oh hey btw you have another half brother we never met either. That being me. And now after I guess a couple years of trying to locate me or the right person named me. He bumped into my incubator and blam. I get a Facebook message saying hey I’m your brother. Umm no, Then he explains umm okay.

 

Sadly for him this is a big deal. Which makes me feel a bit bad for him. Because to me it’s just another reason to harbor my hate of the sperm donor. I don’t really want a connection to that side of the family. To me it’s never existed and never will. Let me set the stage for this. On his Facebook was a public post with a picture of the sperm donor. It explained how he found out etc. To this post was replies from some his friends (and in turn were actually unknown relatives of his)who had known the sperm donor . They talked about what a good man he was etc. I call bullshit because a good man, fuck a good human being doesn’t go and have two kids with two other women while married and have nothing to do with one who lives maybe a few miles away and doesn’t flip flop over whether or not the other kid(that being me) is his when then incubator sues for child support. Now the sperm donor has been dead over two decades.

 

I saw him 3 times that I can recall, once on my 5th birthday. Again when I was like 10 at the blood test to prove yup motherfucker I’m your son , you piece of shit douche bag. And maybe when I was around 11 or 12 in the court room. When the sperm donor and incubator were trying to decide on child support and custody. All I really remember of that day was not once did he say my name. I was referred to as the boy. Even when he talked to the incubator and me in private. I recall perfectly what I said to the judge when he asked if I wanted to visit my sperm donor on weekends and the like. HELL NO, why would I? He’s known about for 12 years and then tried to deny I exist. Btw the blood test even back in the late 80’s came back saying 99.6 % chance he was my sperm donor.

 

In the end I never visited nor saw him again before his death maybe a year later. I never sought out his other two children nor any of his family. I already had one set of half siblings from the incubator since she had five kids from her first marriage , eight years before I was born. I’m not the biggest fan of them as some you know and most of you can tell from this. So now here’s an unknown sibling popping up wanting to have a Little brother. Yes he has referred to me as that a few times. Motherfucker you’re only 3 years older okay almost 4. And even my half siblings I grew up don’t refer to me as little brother.

 

Now besides my now natural disdain for genetic family connections. We get to the part where yes We differ on a lot of things. From viewing his Facebook, he’s overly proud of that confederate southern heritage and want’s to make America great again. Need I say more. The only thing I’ll do is bash his politics and stomp on that heritage bullshit. I’m from one county over and I don’t buy into that bullshit. Plus I have nothing good to say about the sperm donor. So I seriously doubt that side of the genetic family want’s their illusion destroyed when I drop cold hard reality about what type of man he was. And nothing will change my opinion not a single scrap of information can alter the fact. He knew he had two other kids and made no effort to be in their lives.

The Way Home

I know not the way

I can’t see the light of day

I travel the back roads of my youth

Looking for proof

 

Proof of an existence

Proof I was there

Memory of a care

Hope of a presence

 

In the end

I go back to where it began

I go back to the dark

Looking for the friend

Who ran

When I made my mark

 

I fight for nothing

Yet I’d die for you

I’d die to see your smile one last time

To hear the words escape your lips

To be forgiven for the crime

Oh nothing to do

But take the hits

 

Of an beating that echos

In all the words I know

With silent screams

And broken dreams

 

I miss the point

And roll another joint

Looking for the answers

In the rhythm of the dancers

 

Who twirl and grind

Yet never invade the mind

Of thoughts blacken

By the emotions I’m lacking

 

Whispers

Tell me what you want to hear

I’ll show you what I fear

Speak to me your lies

And I’ll let all the truth die

 

Look upon all with fresh eyes

And you’ll see the jaded disguise

Taste of my bitter flavor

And I’ll be your savior

 

Feel the melody

Hear the tragedy

Of all that came before

And all that I adore

 

All that fell into the abyss

With nothing but a kiss

And a wink

While I took things to the brink

 

A beast within

That knows no sin

The apex of predation

Knows no submission

 

Feel the cage of ribs rattle

As the heart dies

And with no tears to cry

The demon emerges to battle

 

There be no shelter here

For you nor me

You best flee

For the monster is near

 

No quarter given and none to ask

Checking off souls is merely a task

A devil I may be

In the mirror only an angel I see

Hearthstone Quest

So I was playing Hearthstone the other night using a Priest deck. Basically a one turn kill deck but using more of the Priest’s copy cards from your opponents deck. I was on the play against a Mage quest deck. So turn 1, I casted the only 1 drop spell I had because why not.

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It chose to copy this card from the Mage’s hand.

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So turn Two I casted this. And by turn 6 I proceeded to complete the quest and get an extra turn before the mage could.  Which of course gave me victory , though I had victory the turn I completed the quest. I just did it to say hey thanks for that extra turn buddy.

Though as much as I like the deck , I currently prefer one of my three Death Knight decks. Just becasue they play so different than the typical versions.