The common brutality
Of a civilized society
It not lost upon me
It’s there for all to see
There for all to know
Yet all they do is enjoy the show
Feeding off the drama
Living in the agony
Glorifying the infamy
One or a thousand fall
The number matters little at all
Just another day
Just another story
Blazing across in its 1080 glory
A true testament to the God we pray
The god of violence
Who bestows the everlasting silence
The peace of the grave
To the old and the young
The weak and the the strong
Be they a coward or brave
The GOD of death
Whom we meet with our last breath
Another mass killing, Another white guy on a mass killing spree. People sending their thoughts and prayers. FACE IT people if GOD cared , he ignored their prayers. This is what our country has become. We’re all to blame for the state it’s in. Welcome to America, where just as likely to die on your knees as on your feet.
Five will get you ten that some dip shit televangelist will claim its GOD will. While others will go on the 2nd amendment defensive. Don’t take my assault rifle from me. Or better yet rattle off how if the people at the church had been armed they’d be alive.
So it’s been about five days now since I found out I have another Half sibling. Like I needed another. So in short order here is the story so far. Dead beat sperm Donor parent already had two kids with his wife , then apparently had another with some lady. Three years before he met my psycho incubator of a parent. The unknown sibling grew up in the same town/school as his other two half siblings and never knew. Since his mother never told him till like 6 years after his non biological father died . That his father was a person he never knew.
He’s reconnected with them and that side of his biological family. And blam guess got told oh hey btw you have another half brother we never met either. That being me. And now after I guess a couple years of trying to locate me or the right person named me. He bumped into my incubator and blam. I get a Facebook message saying hey I’m your brother. Umm no, Then he explains umm okay.
Sadly for him this is a big deal. Which makes me feel a bit bad for him. Because to me it’s just another reason to harbor my hate of the sperm donor. I don’t really want a connection to that side of the family. To me it’s never existed and never will. Let me set the stage for this. On his Facebook was a public post with a picture of the sperm donor. It explained how he found out etc. To this post was replies from some his friends (and in turn were actually unknown relatives of his)who had known the sperm donor . They talked about what a good man he was etc. I call bullshit because a good man, fuck a good human being doesn’t go and have two kids with two other women while married and have nothing to do with one who lives maybe a few miles away and doesn’t flip flop over whether or not the other kid(that being me) is his when then incubator sues for child support. Now the sperm donor has been dead over two decades.
I saw him 3 times that I can recall, once on my 5th birthday. Again when I was like 10 at the blood test to prove yup motherfucker I’m your son , you piece of shit douche bag. And maybe when I was around 11 or 12 in the court room. When the sperm donor and incubator were trying to decide on child support and custody. All I really remember of that day was not once did he say my name. I was referred to as the boy. Even when he talked to the incubator and me in private. I recall perfectly what I said to the judge when he asked if I wanted to visit my sperm donor on weekends and the like. HELL NO, why would I? He’s known about for 12 years and then tried to deny I exist. Btw the blood test even back in the late 80’s came back saying 99.6 % chance he was my sperm donor.
In the end I never visited nor saw him again before his death maybe a year later. I never sought out his other two children nor any of his family. I already had one set of half siblings from the incubator since she had five kids from her first marriage , eight years before I was born. I’m not the biggest fan of them as some you know and most of you can tell from this. So now here’s an unknown sibling popping up wanting to have a Little brother. Yes he has referred to me as that a few times. Motherfucker you’re only 3 years older okay almost 4. And even my half siblings I grew up don’t refer to me as little brother.
Now besides my now natural disdain for genetic family connections. We get to the part where yes We differ on a lot of things. From viewing his Facebook, he’s overly proud of that confederate southern heritage and want’s to make America great again. Need I say more. The only thing I’ll do is bash his politics and stomp on that heritage bullshit. I’m from one county over and I don’t buy into that bullshit. Plus I have nothing good to say about the sperm donor. So I seriously doubt that side of the genetic family want’s their illusion destroyed when I drop cold hard reality about what type of man he was. And nothing will change my opinion not a single scrap of information can alter the fact. He knew he had two other kids and made no effort to be in their lives.
The tragedy of life is not death
It’s the silence between the forgotten breaths
That scream for peace
From the demons within
That feast upon the sin
Of the words not spoken
The emotions left forgotten
And the pain that never ceases
I dislike the spoken word
For me to speak is to risk to much
My mind races faster than my tongue
Tripping over words
Mixing up the sounds
Of what is meant to be
And leaving the meaning behind them hidden
As none but I can see
That what I said was not what I thought
Nor what was felt
Oh how the words flow
And the heart inside glows
Only to be derailed by slip of a tongue
And the folly of speed
This has been one of the many curses
That I have felt in my lifetime
One that never gets broken
One that will always be
I woke up this morning thinking: Those who are more interested in maintaining their own privilege rather than realistically disenfranchising or explicitly exploiting their more-than-equal statuses in order to lift those who are poor in the eyes of authority, are untrustworthy characters. Do not believe they mean well, their actions and inactions will tell you…