364 days later

In truth I have spent most of my life being reactive instead of proactive. Every time I’ve tried to be more an active participant in my life things have not gone according to plan. And life knows I make my plans. Mapping out all of the outcomes I can imagine and trying to prepare for those I cannot. It’s an almost futile attempt to try to have a sense of control over the destiny that manifests before me. Yet I find I’m grasping at the strongs that fall from the tattered remains of the blanket of my reality.  

And now almost another year has passed in my life. In some ways nothing has changed in others drastic changes have occurred. Not my life is terrible it’s not by no means. It’s not all it can be. Yet I’m not sure what I want out of it. The more I think I’m making forward progress, the more I’m either standing still or slipping slightly backwards. Let’s see the year in review still loved and cared about by those I consider friends or more. So that’s a great thing. On family aspect that’s pretty much the same still keeping them in their well deserved exiled. Save for the minor annoyance of the parent reaching out a little over a week ago. And acting as of nothing had occurred like we were a typical family. The nerve and audacity of her to act that way. Though I digress what else could I expect from her. Her view of the past or even reality has always been a mixed of lies and truths. Still as it were  it’s best to forget yet not forgive the familial ties that bind yet separate. 

On an occupational front once again in years time.I have moved on from a job I thought I liked. A job I did well, yet the benefits of hard work only got me annoyance and took for granted. So I left which only to restart my cycle of climbing back up to stability in a financial sense yet again. So very obnoxious, yes it is that feeling of trying yet seeing no benefit from hard work.  My new current occupation provides less concentrated stress on the body or mind. Yet of course I hesitate in proclaiming it’s greatness. Least until I’m more sure. For now it’s a means to an ends, that being a paycheck.

As for other parts of my life, hobbies and things once found entertaining have fallen to the wayside. Simply a matter of boredom or moving on from things. That’s still to be determined.  As for other sections of living we shall see what my next yearly chapter of life has in store 


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